Loving your neighbor on the street
FAQs, reminders, and resources from someone who's fallen in love with our unhoused neighbors
Some of the most frequent questions I hear when talking about working with our unhoused neighbors are:
“What about your safety?”
“What should I do when I walk by someone on the street?”
“How do we fix homelessness?”
These are massive questions that can’t be answered in a short Substack post, but I thought I’d offer some basic responses to the myths that underly these questions in the first place, followed by some important things to remember and resources to learn more.1
“What about your safety?”2
Myth: Homeless people are dangerous.
People who live outside are more a threat to one another and themselves than to you. Living on the streets is traumatic and challenging. Possessions get stolen. People say things while intoxicated or experiencing mental unwellness. Violence can occur when survival mode is turned on high, but it most likely won’t be directed towards you.
The key to interacting with people on the streets is the the key to interacting with any human: if you show them love and respect, they will often offer love and respect in return.3 Instead of starting an encounter from a place of fear or hesitancy, begin by recognizing your common humanity and have compassion for them.
Be patient with yourself and know your personal boundaries. Know whether you’re okay with handshakes or hugs, what kind of comment is acceptable or not, and then maintain those boundaries with kindness. It’s my experience that the more interactions you have with your unhoused neighbors, the more comfortable you will become with them. Learn to listen to your body and discern the difference between fear of danger and fear of uncomfortableness. Overtime, your fear will lessen, your curiosity will expand, and your heart will be opened.
“What should I do when I walk by someone on the street?”
Myth: People look down while panhandling because they don’t want anyone to talk to them.
Sometimes, yes. Sometimes, no. People often look down because if they lift their eyes, they will only see that no one notices them which most likely causes profound shame. A “good morning” or “it’s good to see you today” might be just the thing that lifts their eyes and lets them know someone noticed and cares for them. Squat down and get on their level so you’re not talking over them. Introduce yourself and see if they offer their name.4 If they do, remember it so you can call them by name the next time you see them. Nothing makes someone feel seen more than being called by name and being remembered by a stranger. And don’t take it personally if they don’t respond or are unhappy—you have no idea the day they’ve had.
Myth: If I give them money, they’re going to spend it on drugs or alcohol.
Yeah, they might. You’ll never know how they use it. But that’s not why you should give a gift. We don’t give so that they’ll use it how we want them to use it. We give trusting that the person knows what they need just like we know what we need.
If they need a sip because they can’t handle the withdrawal (because you can die from alcohol withdrawal), then don’t judge them for that. If they don’t have the support to get sober, have compassion for them. If they simply want to choose what they eat for dinner instead of eating the same Tuesday meal at a free community kitchen, allow them that freedom. Give without strings, just as God has given to you.
If it bothers you to give out cash, carry around a $15 gift card to a place where they can get a real meal, get inside for a while, and have access to a nice bathroom. Have some bottled waters or granola bars in your car if you see someone in a median. If you see someone in a parking lot, ask them what sounds good to them and buy it for them in the grocery store.
These are ideas, not commandments. There is no right or wrong. If it’s a boundary of yours to not give anything away, then offer a kind smile and hello. If you want to have things on hand, I’ve given you some ideas. But don’t let the gift keep you from interacting with them as a full human. Don’t use it as a crutch. Use it as an invitation to relationship.
“How do we fix homelessness?”
Myth: They’re lazy and not wanting to get help.
Social services are actively working with people on the street and know everyone you see on the street by name. But ultimately, there are still massive barriers they face everyday to get help or secure housing.
Getting help may mean walking across the city multiple times a day for various appointments while also making it to the free meals at different locations. It may mean sharing your traumatic story to three strangers in a given day. It may mean getting on a waiting list that’s two years long. It may mean making the tent your home because there is literally no affordable housing available in your city.
We demand so much of the unhoused when we have pushed them to the edges, taken away their most basic human needs, and given them no safety net to succeed. You never know where someone is on their journey and how demanding it might be. Meet them where they’re at. Own the problem as a citizen of this world and as their neighbor. And trust they’re doing the best they can, because they most certainly are.
Myth: Everyone wants to be housed.
The square of cement, the car in a parking lot, or the tent in the encampment where a person sleeps at night is their home. It might be on public property, but it’s their little square of the world to lay their head down at night. Sometimes that’s the safest place for someone. A lot of the times, that’s the only place in the entire world where they’re allowed to be.
The reality is that shelters are often difficult to live in. It’s a lot of people in a small space. There are strict curfews and you might not be allowed to use. Some shelters proselytize, leaving many to feel unwelcome. I know many people who would rather sleep on the streets than stay in a shelter.
I’ve also heard stories of people getting housed and then ending up back on the street a couple weeks later. The silence and aloneness of an apartment can be deafening for some. Getting someone into housing doesn’t happen overnight, it’s a process. Getting someone back on their feet takes time. Be patient with people, just as you would want someone to be patient with you.
What will “fix” homelessness are communities who take responsibility for people on the margins, who respect the tent or the car as someone’s home, who know that no one is worth giving up on, and who have the patience to walk with people along the long and exhausting journey to healing and (possibly) housing, loving and accepting them as they are every step of the way.
Above all, remember…
When you see someone who seems to be drunk or high or without a home on the sidewalk and you feel a whole range of emotions, remember that’s okay. Don’t ignore your heart. Don’t shy away from the complexity of your response. They are a mirror to the injustices and inequalities of our society that you might get to ignore most days, but it is their ever-present reality. May the emotions it stirs in you lead you to give generously, vote responsibly, and advocate for your neighbor in need.
Remember that they’re not just an addicted or poor person who can’t get help. They are just as complex a human as you are, so be careful not to put them in a box and strip away their humanity.
Remember that they have a decades-long story, and they either ended up in this position by some bad luck that passed over your house or through a series of painful events that might bring you to your knees. No one chooses homelessness. It is thrust upon them by the brokenness of this world.
Remember that no community—not even your wealthy suburban neighborhood—is free of violent homes or addiction or mental illness. It is all around us. You also probably know someone who is one moment of bad luck away from living on the streets, though you may not even be aware of it. As Rev Debbie Little astutely pointed out, “We have the same issues, but we have the resources to manage them or to hide them or whatever we do with them. And these are people who have to live out their traumas in public.”
Remember that they have a mother.
Remember that they’re facing massive and complicated city/state/federal systems around housing, medical care, and employment, all while trying to meet their daily basic needs and get enough food and deal with possible addictions or mental illness.
Remember that they are a child of God and were created from the same dust as you and called very good.
Remember that they are the face of Christ, filled with the Holy Spirit, and have something to teach you if you listen long enough.
Remember that Jesus himself was born homeless, outside among the animals, on someone else’s property, to parents who tried but could not find a place inside.
And remember that the cross is ugly and painful and reflects back to us a broken world in desperate need of God’s redemption, and yet it is where God is most present.
Resources
Finally, my hope is that you will take some time on your own to educate yourself on the core issues that cause homelessness, seek out stories of real people who are affected by this, and take ownership of this issue in your own city. Here are a few resources that I recommend.
📚 If you’re into books: Souls in the Hands of a Tender God by Craig Rennebohm has beautiful stories that give a glimpse into the reality of ministering to people on the streets and all the joys and challenges it brings.
🧑🏼💻 If you’re into Substack writers:
’s is a wonderful newsletter on the Christian response to homelessness.📷 If you’re into YouTube: Invisible People posts videos that allow you to hear stories of real people on the streets. You can also check out Invisible People’s website here. The founder was homeless himself for eight years.
📰 If you’re into in-depth journalism: A Life Without a Home by the NYTimes is an incredible deep dive into the many ways people can fall into homelessness. More beautiful stories of real people.
🙏🏼 If you’re into praying: Pray for your neighbors on the street. Pray that your heart might be opened. Pray for your city and country, that we might respond with humane and compassionate policy. And please pray for the Johnson v Grants Pass case that is currently at the Supreme Court, a case that will decide whether cities can criminalize homelessness, which would be completely devastating.
⛺️
These reflections, experiences, and dedicated time for writing is thanks to the generosity of The Reverend Janet Karvonen-Montgomery Preaching Fellowship from Luther Seminary. You can learn more about Rev Janet and the Fellowship here.
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This is often paired with “What about your safety as a woman?” which I find ironic because all but two street pastors I met and interviewed last fall were women. In my experience, it’s women who have the deepest and widest hearts for this work.
Full disclosure: I am not a mental health or addiction specialist. I have been trained through a trauma-informed lens as a volunteer clergy person and learned on the job from incredible pastors and ministers in this field. Every person and ministry is different and will have their own nuanced views of and responses to these issues, so I speak only for myself and from my own experience and learning.
Pastor Lisa often said that her community would support and defend her against anything. They trust and respect her so deeply that they would never let anything happen to her. I experienced this one day, as well. People are this community’s greatest asset, and when they know you trust and respect them, they will trust and respect you in return.
I learned that it’s better to offer your name without asking for theirs right away, because they might think you’re with an agency.