Conflicted
Peter on Good Friday
John 18:1-27
After Jesus had spoken these words, he went out with his disciples across the Kidron Valley to a place where there was a garden, which he and his disciples entered. Now Judas, who betrayed him, also knew the place because Jesus often met there with his disciples. So Judas brought a detachment of soldiers together with police from the chief priests and the Pharisees, and they came there with lanterns and torches and weapons. Then Jesus, knowing all that was to happen to him, came forward and asked them, “Whom are you looking for?” They answered, “Jesus of Nazareth.” Jesus replied, “I am he.” Judas, who betrayed him, was standing with them. When Jesus said to them, “I am he,” they stepped back and fell to the ground. Again he asked them, “Whom are you looking for?” And they said, “Jesus of Nazareth.” Jesus answered, “I told you that I am he. So if you are looking for me, let these people go.” This was to fulfill the word that he had spoken, “I did not lose a single one of those whom you gave me.” Then Simon Peter, who had a sword, drew it, struck the high priest’s slave, and cut off his right ear. The slave’s name was Malchus. Jesus said to Peter, “Put your sword back into its sheath. Am I not to drink the cup that the Father has given me?”
So the soldiers, their officer, and the Jewish police arrested Jesus and bound him. First they took him to Annas, who was the father-in-law of Caiaphas, the high priest that year. Caiaphas was the one who had advised the Jews that it was better to have one person die for the people.
Simon Peter and another disciple followed Jesus. Since that disciple was known to the high priest, he went with Jesus into the courtyard of the high priest, but Peter was standing outside at the gate. So the other disciple, who was known to the high priest, went out, spoke to the woman who guarded the gate, and brought Peter in. The woman said to Peter, “You are not also one of this man’s disciples, are you?” He said, “I am not.” Now the slaves and the police had made a charcoal fire because it was cold, and they were standing around it and warming themselves. Peter also was standing with them and warming himself.
Then the high priest questioned Jesus about his disciples and about his teaching. Jesus answered, “I have spoken openly to the world; I have always taught in synagogues and in the temple, where all the Jews come together. I have said nothing in secret. Why do you ask me? Ask those who heard what I said to them; they know what I said.” When he had said this, one of the police standing nearby struck Jesus on the face, saying, “Is that how you answer the high priest?” Jesus answered, “If I have spoken wrongly, testify to the wrong. But if I have spoken rightly, why do you strike me?” Then Annas sent him bound to Caiaphas the high priest.
Now Simon Peter was standing and warming himself. They asked him, “You are not also one of his disciples, are you?” He denied it and said, “I am not.” One of the slaves of the high priest, a relative of the man whose ear Peter had cut off, asked, “Did I not see you in the garden with him?” Again Peter denied it, and at that moment the cock crowed.
Peter hasn’t forgotten what Jesus told him. It’s been replaying in his mind over and over and over again in hopes that keeping it front and center will prevent it from coming true.
Very truly, I tell you, before the cock crows, you will have denied me three times.
Very truly, I tell you, before the cock crows, you will have denied me three times.
It can’t be true. It won’t be true.
When the high priest begins to question Jesus, Peter is there, ready to stand beside and behind Jesus through it all. Ready to step up when the moment calls. He’s confused, though, because the way Jesus is talking makes it seem as if he doesn’t want to be helped. He isn’t even trying to save himself. He tells them to free Judas, the one who has betrayed him. Is he in his right mind?
Peter takes this messed up situation into his own hands. If Jesus won’t defend himself, then Peter will. He pulls out his sword and strikes the high priest’s ear. Maybe it was out of anger. Maybe it was to defend Jesus. Or maybe it was to prove to himself that he’ll go the distance for Jesus, his friend and rabbi who seems to be adamant about doing this alone. Suffering for nothing. Being arrested even though he’s innocent.
Very truly, I tell you, before the cock crows, you will have denied me three times.
Peter followed Jesus out of the garden along with another disciple.
They made it to a courtyard where Jesus was questioned further. Peter opted to stand outside the gate and watch from afar. Defend from afar. He also didn’t want to risk doing something that would annoy Jesus again. It was safer here. He could still see into the courtyard and observe what was happening to Jesus.
It was here that the woman who guarded the gate wondered why he didn’t follow Jesus in. She asked him, “are you one of this man’s disciples?”
Very truly, I tell you, before the cock crows, you will have denied me three times.
No.
It happened in an instant, like a muscle reflex. The question didn’t even make it fully through Peter’s neural synapses before he responded. How could he have said that? Where did that come from? Why did he not want to be associated with Jesus? All these up and up people seemed to really only care about Jesus, not his disciples, so what was he so afraid of?
It didn’t matter. Jesus said Peter would deny him three times and this was just once. An innocent slip of the mouth. Nothing serious. He wasn’t thinking, he was barely paying attention. It wouldn’t happen again.
He resolved to stay outside the courtyard with the other officers and stay warm. Stay away from the action. Keep his mouth shut. Try to blend in so he wasn’t questioned any further.
That didn’t last very long, however, before the fellow fire dwellers—unaware of the woman’s question earlier—asked him if he was one of this man’s disciples. If he knew what the drama in the courtyard was all about.
Very truly, I tell you, before the cock crows, you will have denied me three times.
No.
Before Peter can even berate himself for this second denial, a relative of the now one-eared man from the garden catches Peter in his lie and says he saw him there. He saw him cut off his family member’s ear.
“Didn’t I see you in the garden with this guy?”
Very truly, I tell you, before the cock crows, you will have denied me three times.
No.
And as if the roosters were in on the plan the entire time—as if the God in flesh had appointed them to watch over Peter throughout this day—they crow and it sounds more like a judge’s sentencing than a time-marker of the day.
These animals proclaimed at the break of day that Peter—
the disciple who had offered his life for Jesus,
the fisherman who Jesus had seen so much potential in all those years back,
the friend who loved and was loved by his rabbi—
this Peter had been just as faithless and awful a man as Jesus had predicted.
And yet still, Jesus was going to the cross for him.
🐓
Yearning for more on this Good Friday? Here’s my reflection from last year. ⤵️
