Day One

Wrestling with rest

Genesis 2:2-3

On the sixth day God finished the work that he had done, and he rested on the seventh day from all the work that he had done. So God blessed the seventh day and hallowed it, because on it God rested from all the work that he had done in creation.

How I imagine God on the seventh day. Photo by Edmundas Stundzius on Unsplash

In my short time in ministry, I have always chosen to take Fridays off. Or—as was more accurate during seminary—commit to not working on school or internship on Saturdays. I designed it this way because I am freshest and at my best on Mondays, and it was strategic to give my most motivated self to papers and sermons and reading.

The problem, however, was that once I got to (Friday and) Saturday, once my days of rest came around, I had nothing left to rest in. I had followed God’s lead and set Day Seven apart to rest in all that I had done and accomplished, yet I had nothing left in the tank. Which sounds ridiculous, right? Rest shouldn’t require energy. Rest is rest. This should be the perfect time to rest!

It became painfully clear that I could not enjoy the first six days of God’s creation when I had just given everything I had to my work or other people. I could not rest when I didn’t have enough energy in the tank to do the things God gifted me that fill my soul—baking, reading, going on walks, writing.

It was regularly frustrating when I finally had the time to have fun or go on an adventure with my husband or read a book, and I would instead choose to watch too much TV and bask in pure laziness, feeling no different at the end of the day. I had set this day apart to get a real weekend, but never actually got one.

Was I simply not fit for rest? Was I broken? Why couldn’t I do this right? Why is rest so hard?

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Last week, I was ordained as a Minister of Word and Sacrament. Two days later, I pointed out the irony that I skipped church on my first Sunday as a real Pastor. After my admission, a friend of mine joked that instead of resting on the seventh day like God did, I chose to rest on the first.

That really struck me, partly because it couldn’t be further from the truth, but also because… resting on the first day?

What a concept.

Ever since, I’ve been thinking about this Genesis order of events, especially in the midst of another insanely chaotic week of moving and car breakdowns and long days and constantly feeling like I’m drowning in all there is to do to settle in this new home and start a new job.

I’ve always thought that God rested on Day Seven, at the end. This makes sense to me—waiting until the seventh day to rest—because this is what I do.

I wait until everything is done and in working order before allowing myself to enjoy it.

I push myself past my limits, expecting there to always be enough at the end.

I bargain with myself. “I’ll do home stuff on this day and work stuff on this day and then rest on this day.”

As if I have to earn it.

As if everything has to be done and completed for rest to be worth it.

But friends, take it from someone who has battled with this for years, this is not rest.

It is a prison where Day Seven never really comes. Day Seven becomes a carrot hanging in front of me, with many emails and tasks in between, that I can never allow myself to enjoy because everything’s not in order. And even if it does come, I can always come up with more to do (and I do). I can always feel guilty for not organizing the closet or getting ahead on something else.

Rest on Day Seven doesn’t work for me.

My Friday and Saturdays off never worked for me.

So when someone mentioned resting on Day One—even in jest—it caught my attention. It intrigued me.

Maybe that was the answer.

Maybe I was deserving and worthy enough to give my most motivated, energized, freshest self, to myself.

So I went back to Genesis, which tells us that God rested on the seventh day after finishing the considerable task of putting the universe together. But this time, I began to see it differently.

What if the seventh day was actually Day One?

Day One of a new created order.

Day One of everything existing.

Day One of all the birds and the sea and the moon at the ready to do their beautiful thing.

Day One of Creation.

What if God rested on Day One, not because everything was done, but because everything was just beginning?

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My new boss told me that I had a choice in what day I took off, but he also encouraged me to take Mondays off because we really needed more Pastor coverage on Fridays. When I read his email, I groaned. I had my system and loved the Friday/Saturday two day weekend.

I reluctantly took Mondays off, telling myself I’d give it a chance.

And here I am.

Fresh and motivated enough on a Monday morning to write.

With enough energy to rest in the love of God.

Before I open my email or think about my next sermon or run all the myriad of errands.

I would be lying if I didn’t admit that I still have my unending to-do list in the back of my head—thank yous to write, docs to print for the DMV, setting up our mortgage payment, buying a second alb, etc. etc.

But I know I will enjoy doing those things more if I rest first.

I know I will move the needle away from burnout quicker if I rest first.

I know that in Genesis 2, God created humans as be-ings and not do-ings.

I know that baking a cake or taking a nap will not cause the created order to fall apart, because God rested and the earth is still spinning.

So on this morning, on Day One, I am choosing to rest.

Before I earn it. Before I give away all my energy. Before everything is done.

At the very beginning of it all.

😌

What would it look like to give your rest the most energized, freshest, and motivated time you have?